innate, real, genuine..

How to be one? Innate in my feeling, desire, and expression. Genuine in my knowledge. Real in what I produce. This morning, and today, I shall open myself to all these tendencies if I have any. Do I? Have I? Are those questions innate, real, and genuine?

short in feeling...

If only you know how, learning something new is not difficult. The word `substitute' and `analogy' helps cushioning the complexities of what in the first place looks difficult. Marketing, why not substitute it with finance? Thought enclave in a phrase has often become a stumbling block in seeing something new. For example, is there such a phrase as `short in feeling?' What about `short memory' or `short in memory?' Lots of it. It is the opposite of long term memory. What about `short feeling?' Why not? I think I am experiencing in `short in feeling' or `short feeling.' Meaning my feeling can easily go away despite the instance it happens I was so aroused. As a result I am not so easily attached to a happening of a recent event. The feeling has become heavenly so to speak. That is the safest place where my feeling resides. Do I have a strong feeling for this piece of writing of mine? Here and now yes. After a while it has found its way to heaven. That is what I mean by `short feeling' or if you will `short in feeling.' For a moment it is only a `heavenly aroused.'

losing its grip...?

On Sunday I was at the Delegates meeting of UMNO bahagian Temerloh. Being a delgate I have to be there at 9.00 in the morning to attend the `perasmian' by the Minister of Defence, YB Datuk Dr Zahid Hamidi who holds the political post of vice president in UMNO. It was not like before where the anticipation of what is to come surrounds the occasion. But not now. Or I am getting older? Don't really feel the grandiose of the event despite of its occasion once a year. Or the source of its glittering has lost its face value? Or am I missing something here?

no exception..

It is just about anything from here to there. From morning to infinity. From life to the next. The classes are just a small part to a much bigger life game. Everything is accounted for. Even the numbers that hold the key to the success are being looked into till the real secrets are out. The whole spectrum of life is the world and the people. Sensing what is going to come is just apart to a much bigger things. Just like the tsunami waves that spare nothing in its path. No exception. The good and the evil. The kind and the goodness, in the first instance or for the last taste, it spares nothing. All are for the knocked out. No exceptions...

Put on the fifth gear...

Time to shift to the fifth gear. We would be in danger if I were to do that. Could you? After all these years of driving with gear one, then to two, then to three..and now the shift to the fifth gear is not at all a shocking. It is a natural process of shifting from nothing, to something, and to more thing. So come on it is the fifth gear then. If you say so, so be it!

menghulur tangan meminta maaf...

Jarang sekali kita beberbuat demikian. Perlakuan manusia menjijikkan sekali. Lempar batu sembunyi tangan. Mereka semua orang baik baik. Pepat diluar runcing di dalam. Bujur lalu melintang patah. Alang alang menyeluk saku biar sampai ke penjara Pudu. Itulah manusia. Sangat bertabiat. Apa kata tangan dihulur maaf dipinta? Hanya sekali. Itu pun masa Hari Raya. Haha. Jangan sampai bumi tersungkur baru salam di sembah.

Bayangan hidup...

Semalam aku meredah malam dalam hujan yang begitu lebat. Aku hendak ke satu tempat dan berjumpa sesorang. Ada faktor yang sangat menggerunkan dalam hendak mencapai tujuan malam itu. Dalam hujan yang begitu lebat, boleh sampaikah aku dalam masa yang ditetapkan? Hujan selalunya membawa erti, membawa kereta mesti dalam keadaan yang tangkas, cekap, dan jauhkan diri dari pemanduan dalam keadaan lemas dan cemas. Walaupun begitu aku tidak menolak sebarang kemungkinan dan ini termasuk kemalangan.

Syukur Alhamdulliliah, sebagimana lalu dan dulu-dulu, menepati masa dan janji telah menjadi lumrah dengan elemen keibuan kepada perjalanan hidup aku. Semuanya berjalan dengan baik sebagaimana diatur. Setiba dirumah, ternampak di peti surat satu surat. Lantas aku mengambilnya.

Surat dari Syarikat Travel and Tours Haji rupanya. Antara isi yang terkandung dan membuat aku tersentak adalah ayat permulaan `Bakal Tetamu Allah Yang Dihormati' dan diakhiri 'Penyucian Jiwa di Tanah Suci.'

Allah Yang Maha Besar. Malam tadi yang penuh dengan keserabutan mental dan fizikal tetapi perjalanan aku dipermudahkan. Seakan apa yang telah berlaku merupakan hanya bayangan hidup yang hanya boleh didengar, dilihat, dan dirasa buat seketika, dan untuk dijadikan itibar. Walaupun dalam apa jua keadaan, ianya juga merupakan satu perjalanan yang mempunyai arah dan dengan pengertian yang tersendiri. Kepada Allah saya memohon keampunan. Di mana jua persinggahan saya malam tadi, ianya merupakan persinggahan dalam menuju ke tanah suci di mana penyucian jiwa dapat dilaksanakan dalamn erti yang sebenarnya. Hanya Allah Jua Yang Maha Mengetahui akan Segala Rahsia Kejadian.

Destination earth...

I could still remember `Star Trek' a TV series in the 70's whose mission to places where no one has gone before. And that includes the planet earth. What they find is that the earth people is in disarray on all sorts of things. They are lacking in the community spirit. And it continues till today. Despite the modernization with nano technology, digital, and what not, they still have not found themselves as to why they were born or brought to this world. They do not realized that they are fighting among themselves which can lead to the annihilation of the entire human race and human form. Captain Kerk and his crew took the trip to planet earth to do some kind of repairing. But again the galaxy is infinite and need to be explored other than the earth. For now Captain Kerk is happy with his solution to the human race problems. But would it be for long? If it recurs, then once again Captain Kerk would direct his Starships crew, destination earth. By then would it not be too late..?

the bottom line..

Life is simple, so is death. Why? Those two are the bottom line to everything. It is a fact. But unfortunately the interpretation of non-life and non-death matters, makes the two factors difficult to understand. For those who is alive, they just refuse to think about being dead. And what about for those who are already dead? Allah is Great. That is the bottom line...

mengigau..

Dirasakan hidup ini hanya satu igauan. Dan teringat aku satu lagu yang mengatakan hidup ini adalah satu gurauan. Igauan dan gurauan. Kepada yang mengatakan hidup ini satu igauan sudah pasti ianya berkaitan rapat dengan apa yang berlaku kepada dirinya dan perasaan yang melanda ketika perkara itu berlaku. Saya merupakan seorang yang selalu mengigau tatkala sedang tidur. Sehingga hari ini saya masih mencari jawapan kepada `pengigauan' yang kerap berlaku itu. Sudah banyak buku saya baca, tetapi masih tidak terjawab persoalan saya ini. Dan hari ini saya beranikan diri menulis tentangnya dengan harapan ianya merupakan satu catatan dan juga penawar kepada apa yang sering berlaku. Dan saya akan terus menanya. Mengapa saya selalu `mengigau'? Adakah ianya mencerminkan pemikiran yang sentiasa aktif?

living by the day..a sunday trip..

It is all in days now. Still can afford to think through the years but what about to walk through? It is all living by the day now. Earning a living and life is all harvesting and giving. Say what I want and most of it I got it. And I have to give to the needy too. Love to think of the pasts. But if it is all in good thoughts and good deeds, then the past can be very sweet indeed. And today I am quite a happy man. Looking forward to classes. Looking forward to thoughts that shall be delivered. Looking forward to see faces of students with more of questions than answers. Despite that I have no complaint. It is all live by the day...Sesungguhnya Allah jua yang Kekal dan Menguasai Segala-galanya.

Yours..?

What can be yours can never be mine. But what can be mine can never be yours. What causes the length and the width can be the ears, eyes, and all the senses that has been part of us. So what actually can be yours? Are your eyes better than mine? Then so be it. Take it by all means. It is all yours. Despite the better sense in something, I can feel some are meant for today for its completion and some are not. We can take little thing at a time. And it all depends on whether your eyes are better built, and `senseless' than the rest of the senses. And nobody is that perfect in all the senses. As for me, if it is meant to be shorter in one sense then that is the way it is going to be. For now I am just enjoying what I write because of the developed sense of written expression..What about yours?

A university..a matter of interpretation...

Interpretation of anything healthy,positive, and productive should be a cultivated by both parents and the society. The schools and the universities contribute to the development of values results from the daily interaction of the so-called students and the institutions. The development of personal values can go either way, positive and negative. It is a matter of what they found. The moment the students step their foot in university campus, then it is the beginning of seeking, searching, or just accepting the interpretation of what university life is all about. University is no doubt both a regulation and a mission. Lecturers should in the first place be right themselves in the interpretation of what education and life is all about. In other words they should be right in interpreting the function of regulation and the mission. Most of it are `enshrined' in the course syllabus. But it is still far from sufficient in inculcating the true value of a healthy and productive life. It must be broadened to a point where the students would feel they are still in the act of seeking and searching despite the five years in pursuing a diploma and a degree. But still after three or five years at the university, what they got is still a matter of personal interpretation. Have they really broadened themselves? Again it is a matter of interpretation.

Before and after..

Is the secret of existence, without before and without after? What is before life? And what is after life? Then what is before death? And what is after death? Questions can easily being put forward but the answers can never be more than one answer. Even that the interpretation is always subject to scrutinizing. As for the answer, Allah is Great, the Knows All, the Creator of Everything, the creator of before and after.

Sapa menyapa..

Tidak sangat merupakan isu, tetapi aura negatif sesorang terpancul keluar menandakan ego besar yang dipamerkan bukan pada tempatnya. Itulah dia. Aku hendak menyapa.Tetapi dia semacam seolah-olah tidak menyedari kehadiran aku walaupun jaraknya sedekat sekaki sahaja. Lantas aku tidak menyapa. Adakah dia dalam keadaan obsesi terhadap sesuatu pada ketika itu? Atau tidak terlintaskah kepada beliau bahawa kematian akan menjengok sesiapa sahaja pada bila bila masa? Here and now should be the focus. Tetapi kemaafan patut diberi kepada sesiapa sahaja tak kira siapa walaupun dimana.

Aku masih mengingati bekas Pengarah arwah Abdullah Suhaimi yang mana pemergiannya sungguh memeranjatkan seluruh warga kampus UiTM Jengka. Dia tetap menyapa sesiapa sahaja yang dikenali apabila terserempak dimana-mana. Dirasakan umurnya panjang. Tetapi tidak. Allah sahaja yang Mengetahui Segala Rahsia Kejadian.