weightless...

when so many things have gone into a life, certain individuals and certain events are just irrelevant and meaningless. That is what it seems.They just don't carry weight be it in opinions and existence. Ignore them if they want to make an unnecessary impression and at the same time wanting to be recognized as a leader of an awkward and strange kind Wallahualam. Allahuakbar.

mendekati diri...

It is a long process of pain and gain before oneself is truly understood. In fact it is more of pain than gain that would unraveled the secrets of oneself. Wallahualam. Hanya kepada Allah di pohon Taufik dan hidayah. Allahuakbar.

life..

It can be so basics in all its movement. What? Well life is just a look, a step, a cuddle, a fall, and the closing of the eyes. In all its simple forms and basic, why must it be so much disconnections and also too much connections? Don't ask me. Allah is Great. Allahuakbar.

learn not to be with them...

Have to. A must. Soon my life would be without the thought and thinking routine of being with them. Despite the onslaught of unkind remarks being thrown at me, I am still a man of my own element. As in everything, the elasticity has come to a point where a strategy has been devised to fight back and make a come back, convergence and paralleled, vertical and horizontal. Sesungguhnya Hanya Allah Yang Maha Berkuasa lagi Menguasai Segala-Galanya. Allahuakbar.

memerlukan kekuatan...

Kekuatan diperlukan. Sangat memerlukan kekuatan apabila ada unsur unsur cuba mengheret saya kembali ke alam diri yang tidak mengenal apa perkara perkara yang tidak baik yang telah dilakukan kepada kamu. Stand by what I think would bring back prosperity and integrity. Semoga Allah sentiasa memberi Perlindungan dan Pertolongan kepada saya. Allahuakbar.

©UW-Whitewater/Craig Schreiner

bila dirasakan sangat bersendirian..

Bila merasai dinafi dan diketepi, diikuti dengan perasaan diri yang sangat menyendiri, ketika itulah pintu untuk sujud kepada Allah terbuka luas untuk memohon sebarang belas. Ya Allah, hanya kepada Mu Ya Allah Segala Kekuatan dunia tidak menjadi perlumbaan jika tidak dengan Pertolongan dan Perlindungan Mu Ya Allah. Berilah hamba mu ini Kekuatan dalam menghadapi saat untuk ke depan bagi mengangkat mertabat diri. Allah Yang Maha Pengasih. Allah Yang Maha Penyayang. Allahuakbar.

not so much to be understood...

If I were to think so much in being understood, then I would be making a mess of what I actually think. Life is in itself is complex and not that truly understood by many. So the world itself is complex, why I am trying so hard to make things being understood. Judging from the reader that have visited my blog, it is justifiable not to bother so much with reader and readership. This blog of mine serves as a therapy for my own ailment if there is any. Walahualam. Sesungguhnya hanya Allah sahaja yang memiliki kefahaman  yang merentas segala masa dan ciptaaNYA. Allahuakbar.

another face...

Is that the answer as to what I have been and up to today? I did not do anything. But that face seems to surface, that serious looking, grim face, seems like a face that have walked a distance of a Gobi desert. Well, that face has been doing the job for me. With just a stroke of a smile, I am just innocent, I am just a man who just love writing my thoughts out. And today that face seems to know what is my true face is like. Wallahualam. Allahuakbar.

just a story...

Sometimes I feel life is just a story from a story book. And I am just an actor in the story. Am I a good good guy or a bad guy? Neither. I am just a person too good to be true. I am a somewhat a prince charming in all events and situations. And in the final scene I have to opt out and only after I have brought rain to the village and the people. The story in me is very much a giving story `making sacrifices' despite having to face literally a 1000 an odd situations. For some ordinary people it would be heart breaking. Hanya Kepada Allah dipohon Kekuatan dan Perlindungan. Syukur Alhamdullilah. The sign in the parting of ways are everywhere. Do I have to say goodbye? Allah Yang Maha Penyayang. Allah Yang Maha Pengasih. Allahuakbar.

doa tidak dimakbulkan..

Ruang doa yang dimakbulkan adalah ruang yang sikit dan sempit. Ini kerana kita sentiasa dalam keadaan marah dan tidak menunjukkan sifat sabar. Justeru peluang benar benar berdepan dengan Allah telah terputus. Allah Yang Maha Pengasih Allah Yang Maha Penyayang tidak memutuskannya. Hanya kita tidak berlaku adil terhadap apa yang di suruh dan dituntut. Allahuakbar.

tossed between dimensions..

A world and life of many and varied dimensions. Feel like being tossed up between dimension to another dimension. Just don't believe that some existences do exist. And being there is just like a dream. Is that what my life is all about? Anger that last only a few minutes. And anticipation that seems so real but it is not. Allah is Great. A world where vacuums tumbles over each other and I am caught in the middle. Allahuakbar.

recalling my days at University of Wisconsin-Whitewater USA 1980-1983

dalam diam..

Kekuasaan terserap ke dalam seesorang dalam suasana diam dan hening. Kekuasaan mempunyai sifat kepelbagaian arah. Tidak ada terkecuali. Bila sampai masa sesuatu akan bergerak dan tergerak. Apabila ianya berlaku baru disedari bahawa dalam seribu diam satu satu itu terbina, bertaut. Wallahualam. Allahuakbar.

menangkis diri dari marah...

Jika aku marah, satu lorong untuk berdoa kepada Allah telah tertutup. Wallahualam. Adakah dengan terasanya perasaan nak marah maka sedikit demi sedikit pintu doa akan beransur tertutup?Wallahualam. Sesungguhnya hanya Allah Yang Maha Agong. Hanya KepadaNya kita berserah. Allahuakbar.

Fear...

In a special way, everybody is with their own set of fear. Some fears are easy to overcome. But there are fears that spell a thousand mysteries. And without depth thinking and proper guidance one is doomed to himself in a state of `doomsday' so to speak. And today i am somewhat composed in spelling out the number of fears faced and paving the way for earlier solution. Wallahualam. Hanya Allah sahaja dalam mempertinggikan darjat hambanya mengikut KetentuanNYa. Allahuakbar.

akar...

Sebatang tumbuhan, besar dan kecil, akan tumbang jika tidak dijaga akarnya. Dalam kehidupan, ahli keluarga merupakan akar kepada perpaduan dan kesejahteraan kekeluargaan keseluruhan. Ibu bapa merupakan akar tunjang kepada satu keluarga. Dan bagi adik beradik, abang yang tua merupakan akar yang perlu di jaga dan dihurmati. Jika nilai nilai ini di abai, maka kemusnahan akhirnya datang menimpa. Soalnya adalah bila.Wallahualam. Allahuakbar.

of life and love...

Actions and words are everywhere. Then reduced to few words and few actions. Then it is just nothing. Could be just a stare in the eyes. Is that true of life and love? Allah Yang Maha Pengasih. Allah Yang Maha Penyayang. Allahuakbar.

devil in disguise...

Little do we know who the devils are until a true bad situation takes place. What seems to be innocent in the beginning turns out to be a devil, a devil in disguise, so to speak. Wallahualam. Sesungguhnya Hanya Allah Yang Maha Mengetahui. Allahuakbar. 

No fault of ours..?

Sometimes we seem not to know where we stand in terms of relationship with others. It could  be their fault or our fault. But most of the time we also seem not to understand in terms of relationship with the physical environment. And in the context of worse scenario, the fault has always been ours. Before we realised it the damage has already done.Wallahualam. Allahuakbar.

mereka juga tidak menampakkan berdiri di kaki sendiri..?

Seakan akan ada yang memberatkan perkara perkara tertentu dalam tindak tanduk mereka. Satu aspek perlakuan yang jelas tapi mengapa masih memaparkan perlakuan yang ada unsur turutan? Satu demi satu perlakuan begini berlaku. Mereka masih dihantui dengan perkara yang jumud dan menyesatkan. Adakah saya berada di persimpangan? Allah akan membawa saya ke alam lain. Bukan mereka yang cuba memesongkan. Di sinilah perlunya saya bertaubat. Adakah ianya bererti memutuskan hubungan yang mana selama ini tidak menampakkan keikhlasan dan ketulusan dan tidak berterima kasih. Hanya kepada Allah saya berserah. Memohon Pertolongan. Memohon Perlindungan. Memohon Keberkatan. Dari Allah saya datang. Kepada Allah saya akan dikembalikan. Allahuakbar.

value-laden leanings that fail to see the path...

They don't see as my cherished value. They cherished their values more than yours. That is why you are being `bossed' around. As of today, I shall throw that leanings, crutch and stick to a more noble leanings that is Islamic value of relationship that stressed more on give and take. Anybody trying to suppress and depressed others are no friends of mine. Time to take a drastic actions and be really I am. Sesungguhnya hanya Allah Yang Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang. Allahuakbar.

masih lagi rasa bersandar..?

All my life only a small few that truly comes to my rescue in time of need. But that few has trickled to nil. But that gratefulness die hard. Still feel I should be dependent. Should I? Allah is Great. History of great men has shown that they are not the one who leans but people leans on them. What about me? My pasts have shown that I am the one who helps them. But what did I get in return? Only situations after situations I have been shunned. I don't need them now. In fact I have no need of them before. Never have been. I have only myself to be taken care of. And life is none other myself and oneself. Adakah perlu lagi rasa persandaran tersebut? Ya Allah Kepada Mu hamba memohon akan ketulusan hati terhadap masalah yang dihadapi. Sesungguhnya Allah Yang Maha Berkuasa lagi Menguasai Segala-Galanya. Allahuakbar.

if not much better...

What actually differs my present and my past? All it seems to be just outright relieving myself from being so uptight to a free flow kind of living and thinking. Stress and distress could just be solved the way I think fit befitting my relax style of moving and thinking. Not like before. I have to upheld something that does not deserve a loyalty of an extreme kind. But I did. And nobody tells me I am in the wrong. Or they are just like me being held so tight that tomorrow is just a fantasy. As for me, today is better than yesterday. In fact it is much better. Wallahualam. Allahuakbar.

musibah...

It has always been human's fear. Fear for the unknown. Kita bersukan tetapi mengapa takut kalah? Berniaga takut rugi. Adakala takutnya berkait rapat dengan kekurangan dan kelemahan manusia dalam menghadapi apa yang akan berlaku di hujung kehidupan akhirnya. Apakah selepas itu juga dianggap sebagai musibah atau ujian? Membuat rumah tepi sungai tetapi mengapa takutkan banjir? Adakah banjir itu musibah? Atau ujian? Ujian apa? Ujian supaya yang berumah itu mendatangkan kaedah yang dapat menolong sekira datangnya banjir? Jangan sekadar berdoa dan menyerah. Wallahualam. Allahuakbar.

persediaan itu indah...

Jika dilihat segala apa yang terjadi itu dalam konteks persediaan kepada sesuatu, ianya menjadi indah walaupun kita masih tidak akan mengetahui apa sebenarnya akan berlaku dan terjadi. Allahuakbar.

happen to be there...

Putting myself under a microscope, it seems people are without choices. Might die a lonely man anywhere, anytime. They just happen to be there befitting what they are and who they are. Be it on top of a hill, in the jungles, or a very remote area, and be it a man with religious discipline, no signals and no sign of his coming whatsoever, a town can be a place hell broke lose with just a presence of a man who happens to be there. Sesungguhnya Ketentuan adalah dalam Kekuasaan Allah. Allahuakbar.

menyediakan...

Allah telah menyediakan KEHIDUPAN bagi setiap ciptaanNYA. Allah juga membuat persediaan bagi setiap ciptaanNYA dalam menempuh alam KEMATIAN. Hanya Allah sahaja yang Maha Mengetahui akan segala rahsia kehidupan seseorang dan juga kematian seseorang. Wallahualam. Allahuakbar.

Am I a disciplined person...?

That question is not important. What is important is who and what I am now. Debts have not been proportionate as to the discipline I have adhered my life to. That bad? No wonder some lives are broken to pieces especially for individuals who have failed to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And that pieces can be a drifter leaving behind nothing and nobody. What they have is only themselves and they follow nobody. Ya Allah Kepada Mu aku memohon Keampunan dan jauhilah diri hamba mu ini dari berfikir perkara perkara yang bukan bukan. Allahuakbar.

template of loss, destruction, and love..

Never meant to be to those who are  without the template of love and loving. My template of love are well being said and heard. Their template is just a fake template that are filled with hate and hatred. And the pictures reveal not so much of me but what the others are all about. It is not a picture but a template of loss, destruction, hate, and vengeance. Allahuakbar. Allah Yang Maha Pengasih. Allah Yang Maha Penyayang. Allahuakbar.

the best part when I just forget...

The best part of life is just when you forget. Don't remember till someone brings it up. Our mind is capable of doing a simple sleep. And when it sleeps it worries no more. Worrying shortens one's life. And I am not going to do any forced worrying. The more I forget the better would be my health. Sesungguhnya hanya Allah Yang Memegang Segala kekuasaan dan tidak ada manusia yang memilikkinya. Segala-Galanya dipinjam buat seketika. Bersyukur dalam apa jua keadaan, ingat dan lupa. Allahuakbar.

perasaan lain telah meraba hati aku...

Aku tidak hendak menggunakan perkataan `tidak peduli'. Tapi itulah realitinya sekarang. Aku tidak `memalaskan' sesuatu. Tetapi itulah yang dirasai sekarang. Apa aku sudah tidak mempercayai lagi kemanusiaan? Atau sudah tiba masanya aku mengalihkan pandangan kepada Yang Lebih Agong dan lebih Besar. Dirasai aku sudah berada di aras yang sangat berbeza. Keadaan dan situasi menyebabkan perasaan dan hati berubah wajah. Aku berubah wajah apabila aku sedang melakukan tawaf di baitullah. Allah Yang Maha Besar. Di saat begini aku memerlukan Pertolongan dan Perlindungi MU Ya Allah. Allahuakbar.

the day starts...

The day starts quite dull but ends being very hectic. What a day. Hope the beginning would spell what is to come. Is that what life is all about? Wallahualam. Allahuakbar.

2015..everybody has a story to tell..

Everybody has a story to tell. And so am I. This makes everybody special. It is a world of no exception. Nobody has a right to a story. And all stories add up make a big story of various disciplines in politics, social,, economy and culture. And all boils down to life and death. Allahuakbar.