shall there be a repetition...?

I am a man of `only after' and not so much of `while'.  Wonder why I fail miserably in fighting with myself when I am in the territory of `while'? As such many think I am an easy prey for what they wished of me. Time and again, I fall prey to something that can be  an obvious con situation. Hope with me being more internal now, I shall be sober enough not to be obsessed with something I don't belong, the messy externals.Ya Allah kepada Mu Ya Allah saya memohon kekuatan dalam menghadapi ini semua. Allahuakbar.