Old version and an upgraded self

Every now and then I have been updated on the the old versions of relation and interactions. It has been upgraded. Despite that the old versions of doing things still haunt me in one way or more ways. Psychologically, it is not easy to have the old self erased. It is the basic structural premise without it the rest would crumble. Hearing or listening to someone would make me realise that I am a very much an upgraded self. Damn it yet I am still prone to go into a situation and eventually found myself being cheated! On that premise I can see my strength and weaknesses. Funny. I am still with some of my old weaknesses. Why don't I realise or conscious of it before? Well the update process takes a while. That is why I have been cheated despite the upgraded self. In some areas the update to override the old version has not being completed yet. Till then, you are still an old version in terms of a particular event of transaction, relation, and interaction. Despite that, in principle you are already an upgraded self.

meminta dan meminta izin...

Apa dah jadi? Perkataan begini hanya sekadar `expression' kepada ramai orang. Ianya tidak berpegang kepada premis nilai yang akan terbina tamaddun bangsa yang boleh dibanggakan. Sensitiviti manusia adalah bertunjang kepada keselesaan diri sendiri. Dalam banyak keadaan ia memerlukan pertolongan orang lain dalam bentuk rekaan sains yang sudah tercipta seperti kereta, rumah dan lain lain keperluan harian. Yang lainnya ia mencakup perkara yang patut dilakukan sendiri atau dibiarkan berlaku. Kedua-duanya memerlukan pengorbanan. Tetapi apa yang terjadi adalah sebaliknya iaitu meminta izin bukan pada masa dan tempatnya. Pada saya meminta izin begini mesti didahului dengan perbincangan yang boleh menampakkan rasionalnya kelulusan yang di pinta dan yang diberi. Tetapi dalam banyak keadaan ianya merupakan `paksaan' dek kerana kepentingan diri tadi.

Saya telah mengajar kian lama di menara gading. 98.9 peratus pelajar yang meminta izin untuk sesuatu telah mengandaikan ianya mesti diluluskan. Mereka tidak diajar atau dilatih dengan mengadakan perbincangan sebelum keizinan diberikan. Lantas pensyarah yang selalu mengatakan TIDAK dan TAK BOLEH akan dilabel dengan label yang tidak enak didengar.

Jika direnung dari pengalaman saya, meminta izin tidaklah menjadi kebiasaan kepada saya. Ini kerana tidak ada apa hendak dimintak izinkan atau bergantung kepada orang lain dalam erti kata yang 98.9 peratus tadi. Kita sebenarnya dijadikan dengan penuh kekuatan untuk memikir dan melakukan sesuatu. Dan jika ianya difikir dari sudut kesejahteraan ummah, maka akan terasa bertambahnya kekuatan itu. Pada pengamatan saya, mereka yang sangat mudah meminta izin (dan meminta yang bukan bukan) dalam konteks 98.9 peratus tadi adalah seorang yang lemah berbicara dan sangat berkepentingan dan suka memperdayakan orang lain. Dan dalam banyak keadaan pula selalunya orang begini akan melukai hati orang yang memberi dan memberi keizinan tadi. Ini kerana ianya adalah seperti melepaskan anjing tersepit di pagar!

Saya tidak hendak berbicara panjang. Sesungguhnya Allah Yang Maha Besar lagi Mengetahui akan Segala Rahsia KejadianNya.

Hari ini hari Ahad...

Apa nak buat? Lazimnya secara fizikal pada hari Ahad aku hanya melakukan perkara perkara yang ringan-ringan sahaja. Tapi pada mentalnya pula aku menulis dan topik yang ditulis selalunya berat berat. Tidak pagi ini. Topik yang di tulis pagi ini hanya berkisar soal perkara yang ringan sahaja tanpa merenung dan berfikir jauh. Jadi sudah pasti jika ada yang membaca, ini merupakan sajian yang amat ringan dan ringkas sekali kerana tidak ada topik yang khusus hendak dibicarakan. Kerana apa? Kerana hari ini hari Ahad.

Kesombongan yang berterbangan...

Pada mulanya ada aku memberitahu pada diri ku, buat apa nak tulis perkara perkara begini. Bukankah itu sudah lumrah alam? Kalau dilihat dari satu sudut tertentu memang benar apa yang dikatakan itu. Tapi jika ditengok dari satu sudut lain, penduduk bumi sudah melampau dalam perbuatan mereka. Tidak semua. Saya akui tidak semua. Tetapi menyampah juga kepada yang penyibuk. Maksud saya begini. Dalam dua hari ini tak lekang di kaca TV takde cerita lain selain dari cerita `Raja Pop' Michael Jackson yang sudah pun mengakhiri hidup pergi ke alam mati. Sebenarnya, dari sudut komersial, perginya Michael Jackson, apa lagi dalam keadaan begitu, akan membawa keuntungan yang tidak terkira banyaknya kepada banyak peniaga. Baru sebentar tadi terbaca headline berita ini, "Jackson may be 'worth more dead than alive'." Transaksi perniagaan dalam segala hal akan berlaku setiap minit dan setiap saat. Cerita lama lama akan dirongkai. Dulu tak tengok, sekarang hendak tengok. Dulu tidak membeli, sekarang akan terbeli. Bukan seorang. Malah berjuta-juta! Tanya sahaja TVstesen di Malaysia, TV3, RTM, Astro, Awani, Bernama dan lain-lain media, berapa banyak duit kena bayar kepada pedagang berita dari luar negara kerana hendak menyiarkan berita kematian Michael Jackson ini? Cerita dari hujung rambut hingga ke hujung kaki semuanya kena bayar. Mana ada free? Nah semua itu duit kan? Marah? Dunia sememangnya telah dikuasa dan ditindas oleh orang orang yang kaya. Mereka mengambil kesempatan. `At first opportunity, strikes..'

Tapi beri keadilanlah sikit kepada pembinaan dan pembentukan nilai yang lebih memanfaatkan dunia. Apabila berlakunya ketempangan liputan sebegini, tidakkah itu dinamakan kesombongan yang amat besar dan sangat memberhaya. Nampaknya sudah lumrah kesombongan seperti ini, sangat berleluasa dan bermaharajalela sehingga kelakuan dan perbuatan begini telah menguasai tempat aku bekjerja. Manusia nampaknya telah hilang pedoman atas semua perkara. Betul kah? Tidak tahu lagi balik ke pangkal jalan.....

Takde lagi pantang larang..

Sedang saya berjalan hendak menuju ke satu tempat, saya berselisih dengan rakan sekerja seorang perempuan. Saya cuba menoleh hendak `acknowledge' kehadiran dan bersedia hendak melemparkan senyuman atau sekadar menganguk sebagai tanda hurmat sesama insan. Tak tahulah di mana silapnya, dia tidak menaikkkan muka pun apa lagi menoleh dan memerhati saya, terus berjalan pergi ke alam `ghaib' yang penuh mistik. Satu peristiwa yang bukan senang dirongkai hingga ke akhir zaman.Haha. Perkara sebegini saya jarang ambil pusing dan tidak ambil peduli pun akan sikap seseorang. Tengoklah Michael Jackson. Despite kekayaan dan populariti, he is dead at 50! Di mana dan apakah silapnya? Couldn't careless on the attitude of others.Tetapi akhir akhir ini saya telah membuat ketetapan takde lagi pantang larang terhadap apa saya hendak tulis. Maka tertulislah benda benda begini. Patut ke? Entahlah. Dah tertulis. Tidak ada lagi pantang larang. I have to express.

Who wants to know..?

I want to treat that statement as mystique. Who wants to know? From nowhere and from nothing, he,she, and they are trying to get to know you. Literally nobody gives a damn look at other person. What you are, who you are, who cares? The more we are outside our territory, the knowledge on any other person seems to fade away like the morning mist. We might get poorer by the miles. It is all basic then, meaning it is all physical knowledge. The knowledge becomes bare and naked. But when you are home, everything seems to be a turnaround from a physical knowledge to a soul knowledge. Allah is Great.

The undesirables and the vulnerables...

All are in thoughts and in thinking. I have my own vulnerabilities and so are the undesirables that keep popping up every now and then. Life is supposedly to be clean, systematic, and efficient, and smooth sailing. But is that life? Life is generally being seen as fighting for something and the fighting spirit (what and why) must be uplifted and so are the knowledge and the thoughts must be upgraded. If not life shall be seen as mundane and listless. The outcomes thus more of an undesirables rather the desirable. But we have our our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. We think some of the vulnerabilities have been patched up. It does not go away as easy as we wanted it. Some are basics linked to our very innate self. So what shall we do? Do you have any idea?

Kenapa dan mengapa?

Long time overdue. Terpaksa difikirkan. Tidak kira dan mengira lagi dalam hidup ini. Terpaksa segalanya dibuat kiraan. Tidak perhati dan memerhati lagi dalam hidup ini. Terpaksa membuat pengamatan dan perhatian untuk perjalanan ke destinasi seterusnya. Ingatan. Ada yang terpahat dan ada yang terpaku. Ada yang jelas dan ada yang kabur. Ada yang diterima dengan baik dan ada yang terpaksa melangkah pergi buat seketika. Kalau tidak dicari atau terserempak, ada yang pergi buat selama lamanya. Semangat juga berpaling dan berpusing. Ada yang terlentang dan tertiarap. Terpaksa dicari semangatnya, kenapa dan mengapa. Datangnya dan perginya. Lumrah kejadian. Ada yang bersemangat dan ada yang tidak. Jangan ditanya kenapa dan mengapa. Jika mereka berbicara dengan baik, aku bersyukur kerana masih ada lagi yang mahu kedamaian dalam hidup. Tapi ada ingatan yang langsung tidak diundang, terus menerjah dan cuba menikam. Sekali lagi dicari semangatnya mengapa dan kenapa? Awas dan berwaspada terhadap semangat yang datang dalam keadaan yang menerpa. Keikhlasan mereka hanya mengukur diri mereka sendiri. Mesti diragui buat seketika. Kenapa dan mengapa. Lumrah bagi saya dan juga sesiapa. Kenapa dan mengapa.

Ledakan..

Saya masih lagi dikawal oleh gerak dan fikir harian yang sudah hilang bisanya. Jadi apa yang diperlukan untuk menggembalikan keghairahan seperti dahulu kala? Cuba renungkan mengapa sesuatu ghairahan itu berlaku? Tidak terlintaskah betapa ledakan demi ledakan telah berlaku sebelum ini? Ada ledakan kecil dan ada ledakan yang besar yang boleh membawa kepada persimpangan yang tidak kurang juga mendebarkan dan tidak kurang juga sangat menaukutkan. Sudah sampai masanya saya mesti berhenti dari menggalami rutin yang sebegini. Krangka rutin mesti dicari yang baru bagi meneruskan kehidupan yang sudah sampai ke tahap `stale' nya. `Stale'nya bukan bagi satu perkara sahaja tapi mencakup berbagai perkara. Tidaklah perlu diberi contoh, cuma relevancy sesuatu itu kenalah dipindah tempat dalam pertimbangan harian. Hari esok dijadikan hari ini, boleh dijadikan tidak boleh, dan let go apa apa yang selama ini sistem tidak mengizinkan melakukannya. Haha apa dia ya? Dirasakan dalam seminggu dua ini dan dengan latihan yang intensif dan bertubi, hendaknya terjadilah apa yang dihajati.Haha.

The long season, the long years..

All those years, what have I been doing? At first it is full of hesitation. But soon it finds its way into the routine and the ritual that spells obsession of a kind. Do I say obsession? All doors are found locked and I am locked in. Is there a way out? Life is an obsession of one thing and then another. They called it stages of life. Others called it maturity. A philosopher described it as a process of consciousness. What do you called it? Obsession has neither name nor a title. Only history would give a better picture of that routine and that ritual. Early morning I am already with my routine and my ritual. I just let go what is locked inside. How would I described it? Obsession? Or it is part of the long season that sees me reaping the reward?

On equal terms..term cash...

Everybody is created equal in terms of everything and on all physical and non-physical dimensions. The equality in everything is always in cash terms. At no time credit card can be used. It is here, now, or it can be only tomorrow. It has been always like this before. It has always be there and it waits for no one. It is always in cash terms. The good, the bad, the evil, the healthy, the weak, the beauty, and the beast, spells the result of their behavioural mode in terms of paying his service sincerely to others, or on benefits he truly gets. He is being paid on things he does efficiently and effectively. So are you. Terms is cash. But others don't see that. Owing someone is his behavioural mode of interaction. And it is getting worse by the day. In order to stay healthy, remember the service is not free. Terms cash. The smile should be here and now. Not tomorrow. Term cash.

The Lost World...

I have to accept the `fact' that it is a lost world. What I see, what I hear, what I feel, are all an indication that I am in a world that I have never been before. They speak differently, they hear differently, and above all their feel are for sure are different. The system has created them. And they are very much a product of this time. For good or bad, it is not me to judge. In terms of marketing, the product has been launched and as usual should experience the growth, maturity, and decline stage. But life is a cycle. The product that is to come are no doubt of their creation. And then they would find himself in a lost world too. A lost world, a newly found world, is it meant to be for everybody? Sorry, I don't have the answer.

First to lead, first to give...

First to lead, first to give, that should be the spirit everybody should possessed. The terms often being used is the spirit of entrepreneurship. It can be a powerful concept to help us in understanding others and yourself. Why not? It can make you a loner but very rich in everything. You are now much of a giver and less of a taker. For a while a giver is always a loner but not for long. First to act and do things and the rest would take care by itself. It is a very one-sided concept indeed. Have you ever do things in the first instance of doing it felt very embarrassed? But turned out to be a very successful endeavour. In the beginning life is generally a very one-sided and the other side very much an unknown dimension until you make the first move, the second try and the third is yours...

Cats outsmarted in psychologist's test

Psychology lecturer Britta Osthaus says cats do not understand cause-and-effect connections between objects. She tested the thought processes of 15 of them by attaching fish and biscuit treats to one end of a piece of string, placing them under a plastic screen to make them unreachable and then seeing if the cats could work out that pulling on the other end of the string would pull the treat closer.

That is the story of cat. What about the story of human beings. Variables surround human beings are still harder in connecting it. In many areas we still fail to see the connections of one thing that is good and another thing that is bad. We have seen leaders are not leaders in the true sense of the word. Many suffer just because of the so-called elected leader. Even the so-called analysts are no analysts at all. They fumble and they are just guessing. The study might show one thing, but the reality could be the result of `syok sendiri' and thus the proclamation I am better then the others and worst still when he says I am damn right!

Life moves. Thought moves. Everybody moves. Everything is a moving target. Do we actually have the means to capture what is right and wrong? HANYA ALLAH SAHAJA YANG MAHA MENGETAHUI.

Back to school..

Yeah....back to school! I dreamt of entering Victoria Institution. The funny thing is that the rest of the students treat me as though I am of the same age as them. Talking about energy, I have abundance of it. Do they see me as young as them? Except this middle-aged lady who befriend me and respect me like she knows who I am. What a fascinating dream! As I have said, it never let you down. Everything seems to be on the move and the value taught and practiced are the significance of first move in thought and actions, initiatives and first to lead. And on the first thought of it, I write this...

7 qualities of a successful person...

0. He is playful and the world is his playground
1. He forgets while others remember and vice versa
2. He smiles when others cry
3. He writes everyday while others rewrite once a year
4. He is hopeful, grateful, and lovefool despite his age
5. He is angry while others are hungry
6. He talks and sleep at the same time
7. He expresses himself while others take a bus express
7. SMSes ending with Hahaheheee
7. He does not talk about money but think about it
7. Debts does not bother him. He borrows from banks and not from Ah long.
7. He used credit card only when his car need to be replaced with new four tyres
7. Looking forward to nightly dreams. Dreams never let you down. Full of youth experience.
7. Hahaheheee

Sunday fear and imagination...Would there be war..?

I woke up listening to world events that seem to be heading towards a bigger conflict that might erupt into a world war. One event is the nuclear testing by the North Korean regime and the other could be an Israel denouncement of Obama's stand on a Palestinian state. The world has witnessed human miseries and sufferings in World War 1 and World War 2. A repetition would spell a disaster of huge magnitude that could destroyed everything. Hope the leaders could exercise extreme patience in trying to deal with this very delicate world issue and thus a lasting world peace. Can they?

breaking news: Netanyahu endorses Palestinian independence

Just another guy..

Am I just another guy? I eat what others eat. See what others see. Like to be appreciated if one's effort contribute to the success of others. But now things are different. I am just another guy who seems to age with time. Am I? But still very much alive and kicking. What seem to be the problem and an obvious of gross misunderstanding, our young ones are not being inculcate the proper value in judging others. They see themselves more than what they should see. Just ponder on what the world is facing now. Majority are misled by the wrong value of success and failure. Success are self-made and failure is caused by the fault of others. Well, when comes to writing, am I just another guy? That sets me apart from the rest of them. Am I no better then them? Living with wrong value would put them on the wrong path to success. But along the way they are given the second chance. Would they then learn? Well better late then never.

Being mystique..

Life is, was, and still full of rituals of a strange kind. You might have one. The expression in the hard face and the cynical smile can be the source of mystique and rituals and it does not matter where it originates, cities, or kampongs. Looking for the lost spirit in the crocodile, I suppose. The demon is in everything. What being feared most allows mystique behaviour of an extreme kind. It could be the cause to the short-lived Mayan culture. For no clear reason it just perished. Expressionless Pharaohs were examples of mystique life that transcends time with their hard stone pyramids built by tears and blood. It is being described by many names among which, the hollow and the dead, and the zone of immortality. Their destination is earth in the 21st century! So `bila berjalan atau bercakap, jangan tengok depan dan belakang, hanya tengok bawah.' Haha.

A slave in mind and spirit..

I went to work yesterday. No doubt they seem to be purposeful in their action but lacks the smile of a human being when interacting. I suppose they are busy but they think they are committed to their job, thus no time to smile to others when interacting despite the familiarity. They smile when only they have an hidden agenda or a sinister intention.The whole morning episode is a sad moment of life, living, and working. Unconsciously and unfortunately they are just slave to their mind and spirit. I am referring here to the idea of freedom. They are not free. Even they are not free to smile which does not cost anything. No wonder USA is a land of opportunity and plenty to the Mexican and other immigrants legal and illegal. The American people have had enough of slavery and today any form of slavery are wrong and must not be felt in whatever things they do. Despite working with others, their mind and spirit are somewhat free from thought that they are slaves. Enough is enough. And thus led to the higher in productivity and quality of their products and services, because seeking and searching for something new and no one has ever been there before has become their work value. What about at my place of work? Still a slave in terms of everything. We are very much being dictated by that `slave thought' in mind and spirit. Despite the benchmarking effort in everything, question is, are we productive?

Feel with the heart, think with the brain..

We are somewhat alone when talking about this. Feel cannot be shared and so are what we have been thinking on anything and everything. And so are one's age and the feel of realities that goes with it. It is strictly oneself and sharing with others are impossible. Or it is not meant to be? We can communicate about it, we can write about it, but that giant feel of mine can be a dwarf feel to others. And vice versa. So beware of communicating with others if the objectives are not clear. But that is not the case with general communication. It is just a matter of one's feel and one's expression. It is their feel and it is their thought. It is their heart and it is their brain. What about others? A dwarf or a giant? Should we care?

GERBANG CINTA..

Fantasies, Dream, and realities...

MY DREAM HOUSE OR MY FANTASIZING..?

I fantasize a lot. Dreams and fantasy are two different things. And another is a term called a dreamer. Looking at what I am today, I am not a dreamer but a fantasizer, if there is such a word. A dreamer put things high above what they can afford and are capable of. Sometimes he won, but most of the time he is frustrated with himself. A fantasizer walks through the world but his feet are not that far off from the ground. As such a fantasizer does not see beyond but sees things his feet can feel and can walk on. That is the reason I hate in giving speech. Only rhetorics full of dreams, cartoon, and fairy tale ending stories. But a ceramah and a bengkel is so much the work of a fantasizer. He can walk through problems and proposed a solution. But what is fantastic about his solution is that it is very much local in content and of no value to others out there. Others might label his approach as conservative. Yes he is a conservative because he conserves his energy for the bigger events. Sorry, I am just kidding. A fantasizer sees the world in terms of what he can do and he cannot do at that particular time. There is no point in fighting a losing battle. But not so to a dreamer. He goes to the extent of losing a battle and win the sale! That has been the moment he has been dreaming and waiting all his life - winning is everything. Alang alang menyeluk pekasam, tangan putus tak apa asalkan apa yang dihajat dapat! Are you?

7 places of tension...

Obama talks about 7 sources of global tension. He talks about religious faith and in particular Islam. He talks about nuclear proliferation. He talks about world democracy. He talks about Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Israel and the Palestinian. He talks about violence, Taliban, al-Qaeda and the Hamas. That is how Obama perceives world peace which he categorically said as a real threat.

I have another view point on global peace. It is about the 7 places of tension and can be regarded as a very localised and internalised and situational to ones age and consciousness. The places are: dwelling house of family and internet, schools and developing the tender mind, universities and the discoveries, the dollar and cents in the malls and supermarkets, place of work with career expansion and expression, place of prayer and meditation, hospitals and clinics, place of games and recreation, and place of living an old age. Each and every place mentioned has its own sensitivities that are not well understood by the dweller, occupant, and the participant.

Obama, in a way is right in espousing the 7 sources of tension. If it allows to happen, we will be losing the very fundamental right of human needs and wants. Do we want a chaotic world and a chaotic life? The answer is in you and me.

A friend in Penanti Penang...

Dr Mansor Othman. Yes I know him. He was studying at Yale and I was studying at New Haven. But his and my university share the same city in New Haven, Connecticut. Since he is the only Malaysian studying at Yale at that time, I have a kind of feeling that this man one day would be somebody. My family celebrates Hari Raya at his apartment and were considered a family friend. Dr Mansor is a quiet and unassuming man but seems to be thoughtful. That is my impression of him. At that time he has only son and my sons called him Aly. His wife, Kak Chah, a former nurse, does all the talking and the cooking. And Dr Mansor does the thinking. Anyway, they were very friendly and expressed gratefulness for celebrating Hari Raya with them at their New Haven downtown apartment.

In terms of politics, Dr Mansor did not tell and reveal much except when I and two others follow him to IOWA university because he has to present a paper pertaining to "Bumiputera opportunities in Malaysia. " In fact the paper he has been presenting was still kept by me till today.

Back at Malaysia, he did try to contact me but I was not at home at that time. Then the news in him being the political secretary to Anwar Ibrahim, a keadilan chairman in Pulau Pinang, and he lost the general election by a narrow margin in 2008. I would have guess if he had won, Pulau Pinang would not have Deputy Chief Minister in Fairus but him. But the by-election in Penanti has brought a new lease of life to him. I could not imagine the joy in Kak Chah's face knowing her husband has finally won an election! Should I be proud of him? Personally, a person who has come into my life surely I would congratulate him for making good his studies at Yale and now the Deputy Chief Minister of Penang. I am happy for him and if I were to go to Penang I know I have a friend. But that was at Yale and New Haven. What about a friend in the Deputy Chief Minister of Penang? I don't know. Haven't met him yet.

A sharp mind, a clear thought, clears the way

We have been advice on this a lot of times. Many know it but many ignore it. As such they do not know where they are going and what they are doing. They patronise a wrong store. They see wrong friends. They indulge in wrong activities. And they SMSes to wrong friends. They read wrong newspapers. And worst they make enemies throughout their life till it is too late. A sharp mind and a clear thought, is it too difficult to achieve? Some couldn't care less so long they have a lots of money. Money, my friend, is not the answer to all woes. It creates many devils in disguise. I have seen lots of them. And some at a very young age has already been misled by the their materialistic and ungrateful friends.