The irony...

There are secrets which are yet to be unlocked. And there are events which can irked any individuals facing it. Yesterday was such a day. It was a day where everything seems to run amok and`time' seems to be put to a standstill. And the night brings the fear of yesteryears. It ain't moved and it seems life no more has the glimmer and glamour it used to. It was once well lit, bright and it surrounds everything that passed by. But yesterday it has become only a glimpse of the past, enjoying the thrill of the moment with no tomorrow...

Heterogeneous...

Heterogeneous. What is that? Have you come across the word `homogeneous'? If you want to interact with somebody, whom do you want to interact with? Surely the answer is in the word `homogeneous'. Meaning another person who is of your kind. Just like in the kingdom of animals, a monkey would go to another monkey. A rabbit understands another rabbit. What about you? Despite you know whom I am, would you come and visit me? Definitely not. Why? Because everything about me is `heterogeneous' to you. Are my head is that of a tiger. Haha..maybe yes! And my legs are that of a deer? I am just kidding! You know what? I might be perceived as very different to you. Am I? But not to my wife. Right? Haha. More of a homogeneous than heterogeneous!

Selisih...

Hari hari kita berselisih dengan seseorang. Banyak sangat cerita tentang berselisih ini. Adakah patut kita memberi fokus kepada setiap orang yang kita selisih? Sebenarnya pengertian fokus tidaklah bererti kena fikir jauh-jauh. Banyak yang terkena kerana gagal memberi sepenuh perhatian kepada soal selisih ini. Banyak aktiviti jenanyah berlaku kerana tidak memberi tumpuan kepada siapa sebenar orang yang diselisih. Dan banyak juga rezeki yang terbuang kerana tidak pandai membuat analisa kepada soal selisih dan berselisih ini. Apa yang kerap berlaku adalah apa yang boleh kita katakan sebagai hanya sekadar berselisih. `Takda apa apa.'

Kalau menurut hukum Allah, berselisih tidaklah merupakan perkara tak sengaja atau incidental. Tetapi ramai yang tidak tahu rahsia yang ada pada selisih ini. Oleh itu jika anda berselisih dengan seseorang, jengok jengoklah rahsia kepada `berselisihan' dengan dia pada masa dan ketika itu.

Nota: Ramai pelajar mengalami keadaan `tension' apabila berselisih dengan pensyarah. Tidak pandai memanfaatkanya. Lantas berlakulah situasi pensyarah tidak mengenali pelajar. Orang politik pula akan hilang undi jika tidak pandai mengayakan diri bila berselisih dengan seseorang yang tidak dikenali. So take every opportunity on `risk' that are being presented to you. Who knows that opportunity is the only gateway to being rich and famous. Is that not everybody wants?

ownership...

Too little and we can be deprived of what we own in just seconds. If life is well focused, then life is just what we own at this very minute and at this very spot. What about tomorrow? If that is what you think you own, then life can become miserable...So do think of ownership in terms of seconds...and therefore life is rightly focused towards what you want to see at the very end..

personal strength..

I have to shake and drop off all the unnecessaries for the sake of true freedom. This morning, thinking through my writing, I feel I am almost there. Not that I want to be alone within and with myself, but in actual fact I want to have a taste of personal strength that can truly define myself and that can relay the true message of my existence. All this time I am always within that sense of others who should not be there in the first place. But they are there spinning through and giving me order that can betray friendship of a mutual and true kind. In most instances my presence is only being treated as incidental. I am not properly being accorded a special place as a special person within the accorded vicinities. Too much incidents that speaks volumes of nonsense. And this writing seems to appear I am almost there, a true sense of personal strength! Away from all those nonsense. Saya memohon keampunan dari Allah Yang Maha Besar lagi Mengetahui akan segala rahsia kejadian.

remembering Milwaukee and Michael...

The blowing of the Autumn chill wind at the O'Hare Chicago airport welcomed me to the United States of America. What ahead was just unthinkable. Frightened? Yes. But the feel of excitement overcomes the fear feeling of being alone on a foreign land for the first time. And it is USA.

Soon find myself again on a plane to Milwaukee, a big city in the state of Wisconsin. It landed at 2 in the morning. And I found myself very much alone. Other passengers were all heading to their respective destinations. And they are all Americans. And for the first time I felt really frightened. At 3 in the morning at Milwaukee airport! Whom I am going to turn to?

Then I hear a voice give me a greeting. Hi there! Where are you going? In the dark comes a smile from a young man who seem to be there to help me. `Want a cab?' I don't really remember how I response to him. But soon after that found myself being driven to a hotel in Milwaukee. The name of the hotel was Ramada Inn, the very first hotel I have ever slept at USA. And it was my first night too! And he promised me to come early the next morning to bring me to University of Wisconsin at Whitewater where I am supposed to register myself as a student.

Strange! All this time I have a high regard for the Americans. But my first experience with this young man proves otherwise. While driving me to Whitewater, the next morning, he told myself I am real lucky to come from far away place to USA. Not him.

He works for his mother driving the cab. His mother owns the permit to the cab. I did ask him how much did his mother pays him. He did not respond but said he is happy with what he is doing.

I don't remember how much I paid him. But the whole day he drives me around helping me in the registration from classes to dining hall and dorm. He drove back to Milwaukee very much late in the evening. Thank you Mike. I can never forget you.

tertanam dalam..

Hidup ini, kalau kita silap tertanam nilai akan menyusahkan ramai orang. Tidak terkecuali diri saya ini. Kalau diikutkan saya hendak buat ini dan buat itu. Tetapi rupa rupanya ada benda kita cakap dan fikir sahaja tetapi tidak boleh pada perbuatan. Ini kerana nilai nilai tertentu telah tertanam dalam yang menyebabkan dirasakan tidak kenanya jika dibuat juga. Banyak pihak yang merana jika dibuat juga.

Berfikiran bebas memanglah merupakan satu rukun kepada yang mampu. Tetapi adakah perkara yang difikirkan itu wajib dilakukan juga mengikut pemikiran yang bebas itu? Lantas berfikiran bebas adalah rukun dan ianya bukan perkara wajib. Wajib kita berbuat baik. Adakah menulis ini tertaluk kepada yang wajib atau yang rukun?

Ada orang menulis yang boleh menyinggung hati orang lain. Bila sesuatu yang ditulis telah menyinggung, maka dengan tersendirinya tulisannya itu menjadi perkara yang tidak baik. Dia menulis mengikut pemikiran bebasnya. Di sini pengertian rukun dan wajib telah bercantum. Dan memudahkan pemberian penjelasan kepada sesuatu. Perkara rukun lebih kepada menjaga perpaduan ummah. Perkara wajib pula lebih kepada menjaga perpaduan hati sendiri. Dan hati ini adalah juga tempat yang mana nilai nilai tertentu sudah tertanam dalam. Sejak kecil lagi diri itu telah diasuh dengan nilai tersebut. Mengapa saya tidak melakukannya? Kerana nilai tersebut sudah tertanam dalam..

Wednesday child..

I am a Wednesday child. Despite everything, he is always on his own. Nobody understands him. No day is not a day. He has always something to do. Early morning, he has alreadysomething to explore. He writes on what he thinks befit to be written. Writing is not a piece of paper or a space to mingle the words. It is very much looking into the mind and exploring the brain. He speaks on it and he walks on it. Sometimes it becomes a frightened self. That is what I am, a Wednesday child.

Tuesday difference...

Kita akan terus berjalan. Hidup adalah merupakan satu perjalanan. Dan perjalanan pula ada perbuatan wajib dan ada yang rukun. Menuju ke mana? Rukun kah wajib kah? Inilah merupakan tanda tanya. Oleh kerana perjalanan merupakan aktiviti yang biasa biasa sahaja maka tempat dan di mana kita tidaklah sangat menguasai pemikiran dan perasaan.Tetapi apabila kita tercampak ke suatu tempat yang tidak biasa disinggah, maka tempat tersebut akan mengemosionalkan kita buat seketika sehinggalah kita memahaminya lantas akan menerima tempat tersebut sebagai tempat rutin pergerakan kita pula. Hari ini kita telah bergerak ke hari Selasa 18 Mei 2010. Dapat dirasakah perbezaannya? Apa kata kalau hari ini merupakan hari Selasa 18 Mei 3010?

Can road sign tells..?

my ownself...

It is just me everywhere and every time. All numbers are mine. All efforts are mine. All thoughts seem to be mine. My own self from then and now. Not meant to be shared. At times, I feel others should go along with me. It has never been created that way. So are others. So are my students. They have been created their own stubborn way. They have never reached the grade and the standard. I do not know about tomorrow. They are their own self for now. And I am writing all these for no one except for my own self. A relax Sunday and only I can feel it. It is for my own self.

anjakan...

Kampus adalah tempat yang begitu gersang dari perasaan kasih sayang. Dirasai saya beransur ansur beredar dari suasana itu semua.

Perbuatan saya telah menampakkan pergerakkan ke arah lain pula. Anjakan masa dan tempat telah berlaku di mana saya telah memberi banyak tumpuan pula kepada hal hal berkaitan dengan diri dan tersendiri. Sememangnya perubahan akan berlaku pada bila bila masa dengan adanya anjakan tempat, masa, dan pergaulan.

Disebabkan anjakan tersebut, saya mulai menyendiri dan tersendiri tetapi pada prinsipnya tidak terpisah dari perkara yang lazim tetapi hanya berubah dari kekgersangan kepada kesuburan yang hakiki.

the fear is real...

The element of fear is not often being made easy to feel. It can be there or it is just not there. But due to circumstances, the door to fear is opened to those who wants to have a feel of it. Fear is not something that could be easily felt before the happening of a sad event. All of a sudden, finding oneself being left alone, make worse without anything or anybody, then creeps in that hell feeling of fear. Then comes the regret. It can be too late. For the moment, fear is controlling everything now. But as we often said, be positive and once more the day shall be at your command.

The light weight...

It is not a heavy weight. It is so light that can make me so easily lifted from one corner to another. Is it because of the knowledge seeker that characterise my daily routine? Or it is just me right from the very beginning?

I am a man from one opinion to another. From a thought to another. Nothing that really a shocker despite of that unthinkable jump-start. So light a weight that I don't feel anything that moves. Are they gone? I am the one that vanishes into the thin air before they do. Haha. Again a light weight.

left behind..

Nobody wants to be left behind. But everybody does. In his or her own way, a person might not be as quick as the others. One faculty is weak but not all the faculties. Some are good in listening but others might be good in digesting food in classes. In my teaching career, I have noted students are of different capabilities. But one thing I really hate is the gap they feel in a lecturer. Especially the official teaching gap. They see the lecturer has nothing to do with their own personal handicap despite knowing so well the lecturer is there to help them. They come and they go. And I even don't have the chance to remember their names what more to familiarise myself with their faces. And I have lost count of these type of students. They are so many. Physically and officially, I am the one who are left behind for another group of students next semester. But deep down in me is one wish. Next time around, I am hoping to see students of a different kind. What is it? Students and me are of one thought with the humanity. If that wish is granted, then neither the students nor me would be left behind...

the last chapter...

Allah Yang Maha Besar lagi Mengasihani dan telah berlaku adil kepada semua.There must be a closing to a story. And the close must reflect the good, the bad, and the evil. Also the conscious and the unconscious. It is then truly a closing chapter. And the last chapter should have that `turning point' for someone and somebody. It must reflect in the things they did and it should reflect the ummah and not an individual selfish self. It is a chapter that can touch the mind, the heart, and the soul. It reflects the accumulation of true love and and a true hate for someone and something over some time. I have been a lecturer for some time now. And writing the last chapter has always become a nightmare. And in facing those last few days, I must be truthful and sincere. And it shall reflect in the last chapter...

Berita dan cerita...

Selagi kita bernyawa selagi itulah kita akan mendengar dan membaca berita dan cerita. Adakala kita sendiri terbuat cerita. Cerita kita sendiri tidak ada orang lain suka mendengarnya melainkan ahli keluarga yang terdekat. Kategori cerita dan berita sangat menakutkan kerana besar kemungkinan yang penting jadi tak penting dan yang tak penting jadi penting pulak. Contohnya, siapa nak tahu hari ini bermulanya cuti semester pelajar UiTM dan berlumba lumba nak sampai ke rumah bertemu emak bapak selepas selesainya peperiksaan akhir. Kalau cuti sekolah bermula maka hari esoknya cerita itu dimuatkan dimuka depan suratkhabar harian perdana. Tetapi tidak begitu dengan cuti semester pelajar pelajar IPTA. Mana lebih penting, sekolah ke atau IPTA? Apa cuti pelajar IPTA hanya sekadar cerita dan bukan berita? Entahlah..

Nak tahu mengapa?
Tanyalah Pelajar Mass Com dan Pensyarah Marketing
Dan kepada pelajar saya ucapkan selamat bercuti. Kepada bekas pelajar pula apa nak ucapkan ye? Selamat Maju Jaya...Hidup ni kenalah selalu buat baik dan sentiasa diiringi dengan senyum menyenyum...

the day has to be won...

Relatively speaking, one's winning the day is different from what I see as a day to be won. Obsession in a thought and reflected in action is good enough to explain one's level of concern. Even babies are concern with their next step in their discovery of walking. And I am not going to fall for it. No more a physical step. I have mine. Could be something that concerns my next heart and my next soul. My next transit. As for Najib, our Prime Minister, his next soul is winning the Sibu's by election. It is his top agenda and his top concern. And to my students, today is filled in with thought of examination that concern a very broad personal spectrum of success and failure. It spells the kind of concern they are going through as a young teenager fighting a personal battle in order to win a personal war. Personally, I am not part of their concern. But to them I am just a step away as to what they have been defining their life today. Am I? I am not. But I am very much part of their nightmare. At least for a while. Personally, I have my own concern of what is next. Much higher up than the eye can see see and the heart can feel. Strictly personal. And that is what winning the day is all about...

The voices...

Writing is not a voice at all. It is supposed to be an expression from somewhere deep down. Much softer than the wind blows. Is it a voice from heaven? Makes no mistake with feeling, but the expression is not a feel at all. It goes beyond one's eye, mind and heart. It comes from several voices. But what was being written? Can be from a person with only one voice and one sound and one track expression of no thought. A suppression and not an expression. It might come from the cruel one or the most timid. What about my thought expression? Considering I can easily be cheated I hear no one voice but several. Thus I hold no grudge against others. Thus I am a man with less stress. If it is an ordinary man with one sound and voice, again giving my voices circumstances, he is already a dead man. He lives with one voice. But as for me it is the third voice that comes to my rescue. Stressful in reading what I write? Then try to listen to your another voice. It might be more perfecting and comforting. It might hold answers to your sadness, sickness, and your long lasting happiness. Haha.

perfection...

Don't be fooled by the word `perfection.' Perfection can have a negative or positive influence. Perfecting can be conscious act or unconscious act. A perfect film story for example can be a bad influence to the society. A parent can unconsciously being an imperfect father and mother to their perfect children. I want to be a perfect writer but in the process my masterpiece is not a perfect influence to the reader. Much of Internet websites are perfectly produced but not perfectly marketed. Everybody wants to be perfect. Can they? Yes they can only in their own personal sense of perfection. But the true judge of success and perfection is in the years to come. Not now. Now is and has always never been perfect...

close to disaster...

Disaster has to be managed. It takes a higher knowledge to understand what is a disaster. A disaster can be of many forms. I am not talking about the physical disaster but the hidden behaviour of mankind that can be categorised as deadly and disastrous. Some has already become a disaster what more in causing a chain of events that can lead to greater crisis of disasters. A natural death of a tree is not a disaster. But an untimely fallen of trees is considered a disaster that can led to bigger disasters. Think of the decisions we have been making everyday. Implicit in the decisions are disasters that are going to surface any time in the future. Are we aware of the sorrow mankind would face just because of the `wise decisions' we have been making today? Hanya Allah Sahaja Yang Mengetahui Akan Segala Rahsia Kejadian.

Beyond...

No sign of abatement. Occurrences of disasters one after the other, causes hunger and sufferings and it still show no sign of abatement. It knows not day and night, it knows not years and months, it keeps on happening making a territory by itself and it grows bigger by the day.

not all the days..

We have to be strategic in life. ALLAH menjadikan segala-galanya. But as a created human being the accessibility to everything is limited. The term `strategic' refers to the `all but not all.' We must be selective in the `days and hours' we want to live. And so are in the individuals and people we want to have a `teh tarik' with. Sound selfish and ego? Not at all. The constraints are genuine and real. We do what we can. At best it is our self we have to accommodate. And if it is time to go we just pack our bags and leave. Don't have to say go bye to everybody, right? Well, that reminds me of what happen yesterday. They too don't have time for me. As for me, it is a misplaced strategy. Is it? But sometimes let instincts decides on the actions. After all life is life. Allah telah memberi kamu kesihatan. There are days that tend to be so loose. But not all the days...

instant intelligence...

Why not give a try? We all have our own landscape of familiarities. Use it. We fear things in large numbers. For a change why not substitute the word large to small numbers. Or love the old instead of the young. Or eliminate the word fear in its entirety and that includes going to war. But with instant intelligence you can win any battle cry..

You have been with it for a long time. Everybody has a one track mind of something. If they love numbers then they tend to think only in numbers. If they love words and concepts, then it is natural for them to choose a course full of words and concepts. And for a change why not I think in terms of `instant million in Euro currencies. Haha. So for a change try not to be of what you have been all the time. Can you?

Sometimes we tend to stick by the landscape created and left by others. As a result you can't remember a thing. Try to draw your own map with your own towns and cities and people that represent your own landscape. It is just like looking at your own face. How could you forget your own face? Try that with what you have been reading for the past three days and can't understand and remember a thing. The answer to your woes is to create your own landscape of understanding. Avoid using others.They have theirs. And that is what I called as an instant intelligence..no left and no right. No up and no down. So does everything matters? Only intelligence would put your house in order. Till then, I have to solve my own problem of intelligence. And I have to be quick, fast, and instant..

why not eye in the brain..?

If that is going to be, life can be upside down. You might love to have yourself washed in the rain or in the river instead of in the bathroom. A young lady would come to you and say words of this effect,`are you crazy' ? If not for the eye, it can be `mind in the brain.' Mind is the present thoughts and thinking. Cakap Melayu nya `mengikut adat.' Meaning we are a conformist to the present trend and thoughts. But mind can be in many numbers. It resides in the brain. But once brain takes control of the mind, you will see things in the `odds', double or triple. Or you can be with many sights at your command or you are in the category, what they called it as crazy or cakap Melayu nya `orang gila.' or `orang tak betul.' haha.Does that answer the question, `why not eye in the brain?.

Nota: Terima kasih kepada Laila (link) pelajar saya yang telah menghasilkan lukisan `gadis berambut panjang.'

The mind in the eye..

Whom I am going to follow the mind or the eye? I cannot play good all the time. Either the eye or the mind, I must be quick and fast and a decision has to be made. Well I must remember some answers are in the mind and not in the eye. But there are instances when both the eye and the mind runs parallel. As in the other day, I am glad I play to the tune of both. It is mind in the eye and it is also the eye in the mind...