Time frictions...

So difficult to find a day when I am really on my own in terms of everything. What about when I am doing this writing? What causes me to write? Myself or others? I have yet to understand the kind of thoughts I am holding on to when doing something or talking to someone. For example the kind of thoughts I have when giving a lecture. In terms of basics, I am still having that kind of a dream, feeling and fear when I am a small boy. At times I am still being possessed! And thus in things I do I can never be totally free from my pasts. Good or bad? That old feeling still become the basis many of my interactions with others. And worst, others whom I have been interacting with from the past still possessing and maintaining their big ego. I do felt overpowered sometimes. And I am struggling fighting it and successfully breaking myself free from the past. Does that cause the time friction?